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July 27, 2005
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I was so looking forward to Ryan's vacation.

Life had gotten a little crazy and I thought that having Ryan around all the time would bring some measure of peace and calm to the household. And it did. It was great having him around. I discovered my new favorite restaurant (Little Village Noodle House) on an errand-running downtown.

And truly, it's always nice to hang out with one's husband. Even when things get crazy, as they did, it's comforting to be around him. I miss having him around. There's nobody else on earth I'd rather face the chaos with.

On the first day of Ryan's vacation, we woke up to the news of the bombings in London. It wasn't until later that we both realized that Ryan's brother, Todd, was in London. Ryan and his mom were panicking. They couldn't reach him on his cell and we weren't sure if he had internet access. We spent quite some time wondering if he was okay. Finally, he called. We breathed a great big sigh of relief.

Later that same morning, Katie returned from her first overnight camp-out. I was agonizing over this thing for weeks. She was nervous and told me a few times she didn't want to go. I wasn't going to force her, yet I think overnight trips are important to kids at Katie's age, so I tried to make it clear that I really wanted her to go. So I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I went to pick her up. She was either going to be thrilled and happy or absolutely miserable.

Imagine my relief when she nearly came skipping out of the Y. We took a very short trip to Costco, came home, gave her a snack, and she was a happy, quiet kid for the rest of the day. And another milestone quietly passed.

in the ear: reel reviews radio

A few days after that, we got word that Ryan's grandmother (dad's mom) had passed away. Now, Ryan's not the kind of person to share his pain. His stress manifests itself physically. It has to; he won't share it with others and it needs somewhere to go. Usually, his blood pressure rises a bit; sometimes he gets cold sores. This time, he got shingles. He broke out in big, itchy gonks the day before grandma's funeral. He was chosen to read her eulogy and no doubt was deeply concerned about doing grandma justice. I would rather die than speak in public, so I can only imagine how scared he was.

The funeral was beautiful. I am very, very sad for Ryan. I will miss his grandma greatly. She had an amazing life. She raised six kids, endured internment, and was the most incredible artist. I felt Ryan's sadness and got a sense of how much she was really loved. But as sad as it was, I got a huge kick out of seeing all of dad's brothers again. Half of them live on the mainland so we don't get to see them all that often. There were cousins there that I hadn't even met. So it was a real treat. I was so glad that everyone was in one place.

playing: Sims 2

The main thing that's been on my mind is Zac's entry into the educational system. Katie had no acclimation period when she started kindergarten so I suspected Zac might not have one either. And this troubled me. In the days before the start of school, I left message after message with Zac's teacher, hoping for some kind of guidance; some reassurance that they could accomodate all of Zac's quirks. I needed...something. But no return calls were forthcoming. I was probably only one of two dozen hysterical moms calling with inane questions.

So come Monday morning, I just had to bite the bullet and stick him on the bus. And I felt awful. He knew he was getting on the bus. We had discussed it at length and he told quite matter-of-factly pretty much everyone that he was getting on a bus. But I think he was under the impression that I was going with him. When he realized that he was getting on the bus but I was going back in the house, the look on his face was heartbreaking. I felt guilty, like I was abandoning him.

I get daily progress reports from his teacher and she says that he's doing fine. He's a little sad at first, but when he gets a load of all the cool stuff his mood brightens. Today is his third day and it went a little better today than he did yesterday. Pretty soon, I'll find him with his shoes on, waiting by the door when I get up.


My heartful sympathy to Ryan and his family.

Your writing made me feel so much there to see Zach board the bus to school. I felt the pain, love and compasssion in which you expressed.

I'll be back to read more.


Posted by: Lynn Vasquez at August 27, 2005 06:23 PM

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