Hale Kilinahe: The Journal

November 21, 1998

"Put my tender heart in a blender..."

My husband has a new girlfriend. He just met her this week. She's thin and Asian. And silver.

His new computer came this week. Horror of horrors, he sold his Mac, and bought a Sony Vaio, to which he has affixed an Apple sticker.


I guess it's a birthday present of sorts. He told me that all he wanted for his birthday was "lovin.'" But he got exactly what he wanted. A shiny new computer with all the extras.

I'm jealous of Ryan's technology. Sometimes, late at night, when I'm in bed and it's cold, he's out there doing god knows what on his computer.

It could be worse, I guess. He could be into gambling, or collecting Playboy magazines.

His birthday was a quiet one. We had dinner at the Outback steakhouse. I don't think we'll ever go back. It was noisy, the service was snobby, and the food wasn't as good as it is at the Outback we went to in Florida. Of course, the reason I thought the food seemed so much better there is because it was the first "classy" restaurant we got in Ocala.

Unfortunately, last weekend wasn't much fun. Katie was hospitalized again. She had been running fevers off and on for a few days, and finally on Saturday I got so scared we took her to the emergency room. I expected them to send us home, telling us it was just a virus and that all we could do was give her pedialyte and keep her cool, but we wound up staying.

If they had turned to me and said, "Who should be sick, here, you or her," I would've done it in a moment.

Now that she's not a baby anymore -- now that's she's a miniature person -- it was all the more heartbreaking to see her that way. With an IV needle in her foot, unhappy all the time, crying the moment anyone walked into the room.

Never fear, she's fine now. We were sent home with a bottle of antibiotics.

I would pay to never see her sick again.

Her hospitalization has prompted me to celebrate my faith. I asked Ryan to pray with me, and I visited the hospital chapel. And my grandma, in the grand tradition of her flawless timing, sent me a rosary that arrived while we were in the hospital. The last time I used a rosary was to complete my Madonna outfit in the eighth grade. I had no idea how to use one, so I consulted an online site called "Virtual Rosary," and printed out all the prayers.

It scares me, the level to which I'm starting to rediscover my religious side. I've always considered myself a skeptic, but now I just feel the need to be grateful. I feel the need to believe in something, even if it conflicts with my overall outlook. I believe abortions should remain legal, I believe gays should be allowed to marry, but I also believe in god.

My mother once said that Christianity is absolute. But I don't think so. I don't need it to answer questions, but I need it to get me through things like Katie's illness.

While we were in the hospital, our wedding anniversary passed. Has it really been a year? We didn't do anything special that day, but last night we went to "Ryan's Bar and Grill" for a get-together with a bunch of Ryan's coworkers. It was well worth the wait. I had a great time.

Ryan's coworkers are great. Up until now I had only met Lacene. One of his bosses, Steve, is very theatrical, very boisterous. It's obvious that he's done some acting. I met Charlie, Ryan's roomate during their meeting in L.A., who looks like William Macy from "Fargo." And Baron is your typical local guy.

Lacene just loves Katie. But Katie didn't allow her to hold her. She was grumpy most of the evening because it was so noisy.

We ate crab dip, foccacia, calimari, and onion rings, among other things. I also had my first drink -- a Corona -- in 18 months. It really wasn't as fun as I remember it. Beer and irresponsibility seem to be more compatible partners.

This is my favorite time of the year -- Halloween to New Year's Eve. I always wait all summer for the fall to come, and when it finally comes, it goes by too fast. I would play in the snow... if we had some. I love Hawai`i, but I just need a real winter with turning leaves once more.


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E-Mail: jen@leahi.net · Last Modified: November 21, 1998